How to Deal with Difficult People as a Sage
Let’s be honest. Some people are just difficult. They criticize, complain, explode, or shut down. They judge, attack, or withdraw. And worst of all? Their mood can hijack yours.
So what do you do when confronted with someone who’s being difficult?
- Do you walk away?
- Argue back?
- Collapse into people-pleasing?
- Or hold it all inside until it eats you up?
There’s another way.
The Sage Way.
How to Deal with Difficult People as a Sage
In this video (and blog), I’ll show you how to deal with difficult people, not by reacting or resisting, but by stepping into your power, presence, and peace using Positive Intelligence tools.
How to Deal with Difficult People as a Sage (Video)
Why Difficult People Trigger Us
In Positive Intelligence, we call this Saboteur Contagion — when someone else’s negativity pulls us into our own Judge, Controller, Victim, or Pleaser patterns.
But here’s the good news:
There’s also Sage Contagion — when your calm, centered presence pulls them into their best self.
This blog post is about how to access your Sage powers when it matters most, especially with people who push your buttons.
Step One: Shift from Saboteur to Sage
When you’re triggered by someone’s behavior, it’s easy to lash out, shut down, or spiral into resentment. That’s your Saboteur Brain taking over.
To shift into your Sage Brain, try a quick PQ Rep — a short mindfulness practice that brings you into presence.
Here are a few you can use in the moment:
- Focus on the rise and fall of your breath
- Listen for the furthest sound away that you can hear
- Do a visual rep, observe one feature of the person with curiosity
- Tactile rep, gently rub fingertips together, feeling the ridges
No one even needs to know you’re doing it. But it works. Quickly.
You’ll show up calmer, more grounded, and more you.
Step Two: Empathize (Even When It’s Hard)
Once you’ve centered yourself, shift into empathy.
This doesn’t mean condoning bad behavior.
It means understanding the pain behind it.
Try asking
- What might they be going through right now?
- What unmet need is driving their behavior?
- What would they look like as a 5-year-old?
Sometimes, difficult people are just scared, stressed, or stuck in their own saboteurs.
Empathy brings you into your Sage brain. And from that space, connection is possible.
A Story That Illustrates Sage Wisdom
In the video, I read a beautiful Zen Tale, No Presents, Please.
A peaceful wombat sits quietly while an angry bear tries to “give” him stomps, squeezes, and roars. But the wombat calmly responds,
It’s not my birthday. Why are you trying to give me presents I don’t want?
The lesson?
You don’t have to accept someone else’s anger.
You don’t have to carry what doesn’t belong to you.
Like the Buddha story it’s based on, it reminds us that:
If someone gives you a gift and you don’t accept it, to whom does it belong?”
Let them keep their anger. It’s not a present you want to accept. And this way, you get to keep your peace.
Step Three: Activate Power + Set Boundaries
Empathy doesn’t mean being a doormat.
If you’re used to backing down or going silent, it’s time to access your Activate Sage Power.
Try this:
- Step into a power pose (arms up, chest open, grounded stance)
- Speak with calm clarity
- Hold your ground — without judgment or defense
When you’re rooted in Sage, you’ll be able to set strong boundaries without losing your cool.
Bonus Techniques from Access Consciousness
Over the last few years, I’ve also adopted some powerful mantras I picked up from Access Consciousness.
Interesting point of view, you have that point of view.
Interesting point of view, I have this point of view.
When anything anyone says simply becomes an interesting point of view, no matter how polarising it used to be, you can get curious rather than condemning.
You can grant that the difficult person might be at least 10% right, rather than having to put forward (or fight for) your opposing viewpoint.
Who does this belong to?
And, when all else fails, you can try this one. Calmly look them in the eye and say,
You’re right. I’m wrong.
Who can argue with that?
I tried this last one with my husband during the middle of an argument, and we both burst out laughing.
These three mantras can neutralize conflict instantly if you’re willing to let go of the ego long enough to give them a try.
Final Thoughts | You Have a Choice
You can meet judgment with judgment. Or, you can meet it with presence, compassion, and power.
You always have a choice.
You don’t have to become like them. And, when you stay in Sage, there’s a chance they might shift too.
That’s the power of emotional sovereignty. And that’s what Positive Intelligence trains you to do.
And it doesn’t have to be an us or them situation at all.
When you truly understand we are all one, there is no us and them.
There are no difficult people.
There are just people, all out there, facing their fears, wanting to be loved, and hoping to find themselves lovable.
There are just people, on a journey, learning how to weaken their saboteurs and come back to sage.
Want to Build This Skill?
Take the free Saboteur Assessment.
Join the Positive Intelligence Program and learn to train your brain for peace, power, and joy — no matter who you’re dealing with.
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