If you’ve ever found yourself saying yes when you meant no, if you’ve kept giving until you were empty, and if you’ve swung between over-giving and shutting down, this one’s for you. Here’s how to STOP being a People Pleaser.
Or at least how to START stopping. How to start becoming a RECOVERING people pleaser. Because the truth is, people pleasing isn’t something you can just quit cold turkey. Especially when kindness is your superpower.
How to STOP Being a People Pleaser (in the nicest possible way)
Gentle Boundaries for Tender Hearts
Why Saying “No” Can Feel So Wrong — and Why It’s Necessary
People pleasers are, at heart, some of the kindest, most loving humans on the planet.
You want to help. You want to serve. You want to be liked.
But when that desire turns into chronic over-giving, approval-seeking, and resentment, it’s time to take a pause.
And sometimes, that pause looks like not doing something.
- Not adding more self-care to your already crammed schedule.
- Not taking on one more thing.
- Not pushing through when your body is begging you to stop.
We already know you have a to-do list a mile long. So, sometimes, it’s more about what you remove than what you add.
What I Had to Let Go To Heal From Burnout
In my own people-pleaser recovery journey, this was more than metaphorical. It meant physically laying down the tools of over-giving.
At the height of my burnout, I was lugging a heavy massage bench to clients’ homes.
And doing way too many treatments a day, a week, a month.
My body was tired. My spirit was tired. And my people-pleasing voice said, “You can’t stop. They need you.”
But eventually, I did stop. And for more than a decade, I put massage aside.
Because true healing began the moment I let go.
From Resentment to Respectful Boundaries
At first, my pendulum swung hard. I went from yes to everything to no to everything. And honestly? I got snappy. It didn’t feel good.
But over time, I learned a gentler way to set boundaries — one that felt more aligned with my naturally kind, generous nature.
You don’t have to become cold or selfish to stop being a people pleaser. You just need to become conscious of your motivations and your limits.
Ask yourself:
- Am I saying yes from love or from fear?
- Is this giving me life — or draining it?
- Do I really want to say yes, or am I afraid to say no?
The Magic of Slow Recovery
People pleasing recovery isn’t an overnight transformation. It’s about subtle shifts:
- Practicing “I’d love to, but I’m overcommitted right now.”
- Learning to schedule your own priorities into your calendar first.
- Saying no when you get the no feeling (blame your husband if you must -true story!)
- Saying yes only when your cup is full.
And perhaps most importantly: getting support.
Because if this feels hard, it’s because it is. You’ve trained your brain for years to prioritize everyone else. It takes time (and practice) to rewire those patterns.
That’s why I love the Positive Intelligence Program. It’s the most powerful tool I’ve found for:
- Quieting the Pleaser Saboteur
- Building self-trust
- Reclaiming your inner calm and confidence
Take the first step:
👉 Take the Saboteur Assessment
📅 Book a Free Clarity Call
💕 Join My Soulful Community
You are allowed to stop over-giving. You are allowed to be kind and clear. And you are still 100% lovable when you say no.
Want the full burnout story that inspired this shift?
Grab Your Permission Slip — a soulful guide to help you reconnect with what lights YOU up.