When you’ve spent your life putting others first, unconditional self-love can feel foreign, or even selfish.
For recovering people pleasers like me (and maybe you, too), loving yourself unconditionally isn’t something that just happens. It’s something you gently learn. And practice every day.
This post is about the unconditional self-love process I created to help me reconnect with me.
How to Give Yourself Unconditional Self-Love (Even If You’re a People Pleaser)
Why Self-Love Feels So Hard
If you grew up in an environment where love was conditional, based on performance, helpfulness, appearance, or achievement, you may have internalized the belief that you have to earn love.
This is the root of people-pleasing. And this is why self-love doesn’t always come easily.
You might feel guilty taking time for yourself. Or uncomfortable receiving compliments. Or anxious when you’re not being productive.
But here’s the truth I’ve come to learn:
You are worthy of love simply because you exist.
You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to earn it. You just have to remember it.
And that’s where affirmations and afformations come in.
Daily Self-Love Practice
Every day, take a few moments to say loving things to yourself.
You can do this out loud. Extra points if you do it in front of the mirror or jot down what you love about yourself in my journal.
And always with intention, with gratitude, with deep, sacred honouring of yourself.
Here’s what that looks like:
1. Start with Grounding
Place your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths.
Bring to mind a moment of pure love — holding your child, hugging your partner, watching the sunrise, feeling supported.
2. Affirmations: Speak Love Into Being
Speak truth over yourself in the present tense — even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
Try out statements like these.
- I am lovable just as I am.
- I am safe to rest.
- I honour my needs and desires.
- I am worthy of joy and abundance
3. Afformations: Ask Loving Questions
Afformations are questions that prompt the subconscious mind to seek loving answers. (A twist on affirmations developed by Noah St. John.)
Instead of saying, “I am enough,” I ask:
- Why is it so easy for me to love myself?
- Why do I feel more peaceful every day?
- Why is it safe for me to take up space?
These questions open the door for the brain to go looking for evidence that they’re true. And over time, they become true.
4. Receive
The final (and sometimes hardest) step: receive the love.
Let it land.
Let it feel awkward, tender, real.
Let the softness seep in and stay awhile.
What If You Don’t Believe It Yet?
That’s okay. Self-love is a muscle. And if you’ve been lifting the weight of everyone else’s needs for decades, yours might be a little weak.
But it’s never too late to strengthen it.
Start with one affirmation or afformation a day. Write it on a sticky note. Repeat it in the mirror. Whisper it before bed. Say it until you start to feel it.
And then? Say it some more.
You Deserve Unconditional Love — From You
The more I practice this process, the more I notice the shifts.
I feel lighter. Freer. More rooted in who I am.
I’m kinder to myself. Gentler with others. And less swayed by outside approval.
Self-love isn’t just a feel-good buzzword. It’s a radical act of reclaiming your power. And your peace.
💛 Try it and see what opens up for you.
And if you want to dive deeper, my free guide, Your Permission Slip, is a beautiful next step.
Or reach out, leave a comment. I’d love to hear what this brings up for you.